A Black Flower
by Killing Curse Eyes
Summary: Being reborn into the Harry Potter books makes absolutely no sense. Or does it? Pansy Lee Evans will find the answer to that, maybe. Marauder era SI. SI/OC pairing
1. I:0

A Black Flower

Part I

Prologue

-o-

I didn't always remember my first life. Nor did all my memories come to me all of a sudden. I don't remember being born into this new life, like all those stories where the main character died and then suddenly was in a warm, cramped space, and then shortly after squeezed out into the frigid air while they wailed or what not. I don't remember any of that. My brain probably wasn't developed enough at that point to even really think, let alone store memories.

I would say I started remembering things when I was a few months old. Which in itself is unusual, since I shouldn't have even developed object permanence yet. I think it was something to do with being reborn that made my brain develop faster.

But I'm getting off track. By the time I was, perhaps, a year old, I remembered everything about my first life. Well, everything except how I died. The last thing I remember was going to bed the night after my calculus final. So I assume I died somehow not long after that, but I suppose it's possible I lived to be a hundred and don't _actually_ remember everything... I'm guessing either I died in my sleep, or the experience was so horrible that I forced myself to forget.

I wonder how I did on that final. Guess I'll never know, which, as I'm sure you can imagine, is incredibly vexing.

Right. Rambling off track again. I'm bad about that, if you couldn't tell.

So, as I was saying, by the time I was a year old, my mind was able to think at the level I was when I was twenty-one. That's when I really started paying attention to my surroundings.

Instead of being reborn after my death, chronologically speaking, I seemed to have been reborn decades before I originally was. Which, I thought, was strange enough, but I couldn't pretend to understand the whys and hows of reincarnation. I always thought that when you died that was it. Poof. You're gone. I guess I was wrong.

I also noticed I was in England. At least I assumed so because every adult I saw spoke with a British accent. It wasn't Canada, but at least it was a country where I spoke the language.

My new name was Pansy, by the way. Which was the name of that bitchy, mean Slytherin girl in Harry Potter, but at least if I had to have a flower name, it was my favourite flower from my old life.

I had two sisters. One was three years older than me, and named Petunia. The other was my fraternal twin. I couldn't say which of us was born first, at that point, as my parents never mentioned it in front of me. My twin sister's name was Lily.

For all that I prided myself on my intelligence, I didn't realize the implications of that until my new mother walked in on Petunia drawing on the wall.

-x-

"Petunia Anne Evans!" my new mother screeched when she walked into Petunia's bedroom and saw my four year old sister scribbling on the walls with a bright blue crayon. Petunia turned away from the wall to face our mother and smiled.

"Look mummy!" she exclaimed in childish delight. "I drawed a sky!"

I was sitting a few feet away, watching my sister draw on the walls, waiting for this exact moment. It always amused me when other people got in trouble. It was childish of me to enjoy a toddler getting in trouble, but when your body wasn't able to do much yet, you got your entertainment where you could.

I didn't get to enjoy the scolding though, because for the first time I had heard my last name. Evans. My name was Pansy Evans. My sisters were Lily and Petunia, it was maybe the sixties or seventies, we lived in England, and our last name was Evans.

It was then that I realized I was likely in the world of Harry Potter.

-x-

I was half excited, half freaked out. I mean, I was in Harry Potter! Which was really fucking awesome. I loved Harry Potter. I read Harry Potter fanfiction all the time, I even wrote some. I watched the movies on a monthly basis, I frequently reread the books, I read up on the latest information JKR put on Pottermore.

I was a potterhead. So yeah, I was excited.

But at the same time... How is this even possible? Like, it literally should not be possible. Harry Potter is a story. Fiction.

The idea that this was a dream or hallucination was quickly dismissed. While it would make more sense in an obvious way, with the little things it didn't. The passage of time, mostly. Months could pass in a dream, sure. But if I were dreaming, I hardly think that I'd be dreaming about spending hours bored out of my mind in a playpen, mentally reviewing basic differentiation and integration, day after day. (Yes, I'm a math nerd. I don't care what others think, math is beautiful.)

So yeah. I'm thinking this isn't a dream.

And okay, so assuming it's all real... That's great, in theory. Magic and such being real I mean. But... My sister dies. The magical corner of the country is on the brink of war.

And who's to say I'm even a witch? Sure, Lily almost certainly is. But my other sister isn't, and Lily and I, we're twins, yeah, but not identical ones.

What's the point of being born into this world if I'm not even a witch? It would be such a disappointment, you know? It's like, "Oh, Harry Potter is real, and you're going to have that shoved in your face, you potterhead, but you're still a muggle. Have fun with that."

-x-

I tried to force magic out of myself for ages. I would sit and stare at objects, trying to make them move until I got a head ache. I gave up on that by the time I was two years old. Aside from that, not much had happened in the year since I realized where I was.

Being a baby with the mind of an adult did provide some unique opportunities, though. For example, I got to choose my "first word." It was quite hilarious, actually. With little else to do, I carefully selected my first word and waited for a chance to say it.

I said it when Elizabeth, or Lizzie, as she preferred to be called, who I had trouble thinking of as my mother, was feeding me apple sauce for breakfast while Richard fed Lily nearby. I threw my half empty bowl at my father, hitting him hard on the side of his head. I then repeated the word he spoke in a chipper, deceptively innocent manner.

"Fuck!" I giggled, clapping my hands together. "Fuck, fuck fuck!"

Lizzie set down the spoon she was using to feed me and glared at her husband, who laughed nervously. The ensuing argument was quite amusing. Just thinking about it kept me entertained for days.

Wisely, they later told everyone my first word was the second word I said to them, which was "no."

By the time I was two and a half, I was speaking better than five year old Petunia, which made the Evans' conclude that I must be a genius. Which was great for my ego, even if it wasn't actually true.

In regards to trying to do magic, I remembered that accidental magic usually occurred when emotions were running high. Which meant I purposely put myself in situations that I found frustrating. It didn't make much of a difference, and by the time I was four, I gave up on forcing magic out of myself. If I had it, it would manifest sooner or later. If not, well... Not much I could do about it, is there?

-o-

AN: ...I should not be writing a new fanfic when I haven't finished Riddled... But the idea wouldn't leave me alone. That said, Riddled is not abandoned. I'm still working on it, too. But I have more inspiration for this at the moment, even though I expect less interest. The writing style is also very different from Riddled. It's first person, obviously, so it's written largely the way Pansy thinks, which can get a bit... fragmented? It's less like reading a description and more like listening to someone think, if you know what I mean.

Obviously, A Black Flower is a SI fic. Pansy isn't me, exactly. She's heavily based on me and some experiences from her first life are taken from mine, but there are differences. I won't say what is different and what is the same to protect myself, but don't assume that just because it applies to Pansy it applies to me. I've been reading a lot of SI fanfiction and thought I'd try my own.

I'll say this now: **Pansy Evans will not be paired with any canon characters.** **Nor will she have a bunch of canon characters unrequitedly** (is that a word? Well, it is now) **in love with her.** Because while I personally don't mind SI(or OC)/canon character pairings, I feel like it's often abused for wish fulfillment purposes which turns people off to the thing in general. Plus we only know of a handful of canon characters from this era, mostly just the marauders, Lily, and Snape.

On the topic of pairings, Pansy will be paired with another OC. However, she's mentally an adult and the idea of dating kids is creepy to her. So her love interest will be older, and as such while Pansy may develop feelings for him when she's physically pretty young, he won't start to think of her that way for a long time. I figure it will be pretty obvious who he is when I introduce him. I have a weakness for age gap romances, but I'm not making the guy into a paedophile.

Another thing, this fic is less likely to be finished than Riddled. I don't know where this is going yet, really. But I do know I'm trying something different from most SI fics I see. You'll get an idea of why next chapter, I believe. Which should be posted shortly after this one.

Cheers!


	2. I:I

A Black Flower

Part I

I

-o-

Richard Evans was a carpenter, while Elizabeth Evans was a math teacher at the local secondary school before having us girls, much to my delight. I asked her to teach me math when I was three, and she was more than happy to comply.

I didn't waste time pretending to have difficulty with basic addition and subtraction. Playing dumb with the basics just meant it would take longer to get to more complicated things.

After a short lesson, Lizzie gave me a worksheet with ten simple problems to do while she did some housework. I don't think she expected me to actually complete the worksheet, so when I went up to her twenty minutes later, while she was washing dishes from breakfast and lunch, she was a little startled.

"Mum." I said, tugging on her skirt. "I'm done."

She blinked at me for a moment, then smiled. "Really, dear? Let mummy finish the dishes and we can go over it together before your nap."

"Kay." I nodded. "I'll go play with Lily until you're done."

"Alright, sweetie. I shouldn't be long." she said fondly.

I walked through the archway into the living room where Lily was stacking blocks into a tower.

"What ya got there?" Lily asked, pointing to the worksheet in my hand.

"Math problems." I answered as I sat next to her. "You want help with your tower?"

"Yes please!" My twin said, then crossed her arms and pouted. "It keeps falling."

"Show me." I told her. She started stacking the blocks haphazardly and it wasn't long before it toppled over.

"Try building it like this." I took the blocks and made a large base, then stacked the rest on it in pyramid shape. Soon, the blocks were stacked higher than Lily had managed.

My sister promptly knocked my tower over.

"My turn! My Turn!" she declared, gathering up the fallen blocks. I watched on as she mimicked my method, and built a tower taller than the one she had just knocked over.

When Lizzie walked in drying her hands on a dish towel, Lily beamed at her. "Mummy, look at the tower I builded!"

"Oh wow, Lily! You sure _built_ a big tower!" Lizzie praised, emphasizing the correct grammar. "Why don't you make it taller while Pansy and I go over her maths work?"

Lily nodded and focused on her tower while Lizzie and I moved to the little pink and purple table Richard made for me and my sisters. I sat on a little purple chair, while Lizzie sat on the floor beside me.

"Let's see, Pansy Lee." she said. I put the page in front of her and she pulled a red crayon out of the box sitting on the table. She quickly went through it, putting check marks by all my answers.

"Well done!" She beamed at me whens she finished. "You got them all right!"

"Of course I did." I bragged. "It was super easy. You should teach me harder math. After nap time, though."

My new mother chuckled and agreed before sending me up to the room I shared with Lily to nap, while she worked on getting Lily to do the same.

I have to say, nap time is probably the best part about being a kid again.

-x-

My lessons quickly progressed from there. By the time I was six I'd moved on to basic algebra, which was exciting because it meant soon enough I'd get to the really interesting stuff.

Listening in to my new parents talk, I learned that originally Lizzie planned to return to teaching when Lily and I started primary school. That didn't happen.

To them, it looked like I was a super genius. And while I'm not actually a genius, I was the only who knew that. I mean sure, I'm above average, but not quite a genius, much to my disappointment.

So Lizzie didn't go back to work as soon as Lily and I started school. After much discussion, she and Richard decided to see how I handled school before making a final decision.

I handled it terribly.

I was there for a month. I remember it vividly, the first day especially.

Lizzie dressed Lily and I in matching dresses. Hers was a pale green and mine was baby blue. She did our hair in pigtails with matching ribbons at the ends. She spent ages taking pictures of us in front of the house with our school bags before finally driving Petunia and us to school.

After speaking with our teacher and kissing us goodbye, she left.

It was horrible. When Lily and I told the other children we were twins, they called us liars because we don't look alike, what with her red hair and my blonde hair, amongst our other differences. I told them not all twins look alike, but they didn't believe me.

I forgot how stupid kids were. It brought back memories of my first life, like the time I tried to explain to a girl that pounds and kilograms were not the same unit of measurement, and sixty pounds was actually less than forty kilograms, you dumb fuck. Okay, I didn't actually call her a dumb fuck, but the sentiment was there.

Things didn't get much better from there. The other children thought I was a freak because of how well I spoke. The teacher who I mentally called Umbridge because of her horrible pink outfit despite her more pleasant personality, read us a boring, pointless story, made us do simple, stupid crafts, and forced us all to play "get to know you" games.

It only got worse as time went on. Since I was a freak, the other kids didn't want to play with me. Which would have been fine, if they all left me alone instead of teasing me. Some didn't tease me, mostly a couple girls that Lily got along with. She was hesitant to really make friends with them because they still didn't like me, but I told her I didn't mind, and off she went, the little social butterfly.

I didn't actually mind the teasing. I'd dealt with worse in my first life, and I hardly cared what a bunch of snot nosed brats thought. But I knew my parents were considering home schooling me, which sounded infinitely better, so I pretended to be upset about it.

After what felt like ages of the torture that was primary school, my parents pulled me aside and offered to home school me.

"Lily, Petunia," Richard said one evening. "Why don't you girls go play in the back yard? Your mum and I need to speak with Pansy."

My sister's looked at each other, nodded, and left without protest, leaving my new parents and me alone in the living room.

"What is it?" I set the book I was reading down on the floor beside me. I didn't bother using a bookmark. I never did in my previous life and it was always easy enough to find my spot without one, even in long books.

"What do you think of school so far, Pansy?" Richard asked from where he and Lizzie sat on the couch.

"Haven't I already made that clear?" I scowled. I always made sure to tell them how I felt about school.

"Yes, honey, but please humour us." Lizzie said. She patted the space on the sofa between her and her husband. "Come sit."

I huffed dramatically, but complied without any real complaint. "It's stupid. The kids are stupid and mean. They think I'm weird because I'm smarter than them. They don't want to play with me, and their games are stupid and boring, anyways. I haven't learned anything. The teacher goes over stuff I learned ages ago in a patronizing way and doesn't do anything about the kids being mean to me."

"How would you feel about your mother home schooling you?" Richard smiled at me gently. "We've been considering it since we realized how intelligent you are, but we wanted to give you a chance to go to school and socialize with kids other than your sisters. We thought you might have trouble connecting with them, but we wanted to give you the chance."

"Obviously you don't do well with other children. In an academic environment at least." Lizzie added. "We don't want you to be socially isolated though, so if you do want to be home schooled, we want you to choose an activity that will get you out of the house and around other children.

"So what do you think, honey?"

"You mean it? You'll home school me?"

"If that's what you want." Richard ruffled my hair. I scowled and swatted his hand away.

"Yes! Yes, I want!" I beamed. "This is gonna be wicked awesome!"

My new parents chuckled and wrapped up the conversation. The next day, Lizzie would give me a list of activities that I could choose from, and then I'd have a week to pick one or two of them.

I thanked them profusely, giving them both a hug and a kiss, which was unusual for me, as I wasn't very affectionate with them.

No more primary school. I was beyond pleased.

-x-

I chose dancing as my extracurricular activity. Ballet, specifically. In my first life I'd taken lessons as a child, but stopped because three of the girls from school who bullied me joined. When I got older I started to regret giving it up, but wouldn't take back the decision to get away from those girls. I hate them, even now. Another reason I chose it was because I wouldn't have to really talk to other kids much, just dance with them.

When Petunia found out I would be taking ballet lessons, she asked to take them too. Lizzie and Richard were happy to sign her up as well, and dancing became our thing.

Despite the little I remembered from before, Petunia was a much better dancer than me. She was as graceful as a swan, while I had to work hard to overcome my natural clumsiness. I wasn't bad for a kid, but to be on Petunia's level I would have to practice at least three hours for every hour she did, and she danced at least an hour or two every day.

I was glad she was better than me though. While she didn't hate me for my intelligence, I could tell she felt inferior and jealous, despite being slightly ahead of her peers.

Dancing also gave my older sister an appreciation for music. It wasn't long before she begged our mum to sign her up for music lessons. She chose the flute, and after a year of lessons was playing it beautifully.

Petunia told me that she felt music was her calling. She tried to teach me to read music, but I just couldn't make much sense of it, while for her it was more natural than reading a book. Not that she needed to read music very often. Petunia possessed the ability to just listen to a melody once or twice and then play it herself.

I was happy for her. Petunia needed this. I think in canon she didn't find music and dance, leaving her feeling like she was just average at everything while Lily was special.

-x-

I was almost five years old when it happened. I'd only given up a couple months prior.

I was beyond bored. Lily was fast asleep and I, too, was supposed to be napping, but for once I just didn't feel like it. Richard was working and Lizzie was downstairs watching TV, so I felt it was safe to sneak into their room and grab the pre-calc textbook I'd seen on the bookshelf in there.

Unfortunately, the bookcase was tall and the book I wanted was on the top shelf, which was way beyond my reach. I wasn't deterred though, and opted to climb up the shelf.

I made it up just fine, but after grabbing the book I lost my balance. When I felt myself start to fall, backwards I clutched the book to my chest and closed my eyes, bracing myself for the impact.

The impact that never came.

After a few moments I opened my eyes and looked from side to side. I was floating half a meter off the ground.

I was a witch.

-x-

After doing magic for the first time, accidental magic came more frequently. And from there, I learned to call upon it at will.

It was far from easy at first. It took me quite awhile to be able to call on it on demand. Part of it was figuring out what it felt like to use magic. I honestly can't really explain the sensation very well, but it was definitely a rush and honestly slightly addictive. The more I used it, the more I wanted to use it. I just couldn't get enough.

At first, even being able to call on my magic, so to speak, I couldn't control control it very well. It would do it's own thing if I called on it. Mostly levitating nearby objects. Obviously, I was going to kick ass at wingardium leviosa.

So I decided to refine the floating thing. I worked first on letting go of a specific object, but not the others. Sometimes I dropped more than one at a time, or the wrong one, but I got there. After I was able to do that perfectly, I switched to levitating only one object from the beginning. That was actually much harder.

It's like, you dump out a bucket of water, one so tall that you can't reach into it to touch the water and so heavy it's hard to move it easily, into a shorter one. At first the water does it's own thing, you can't really control the way it behaves as it's poured, but after it settles you take a bit of the water in your hands and do whatever with it. Then you take another bit and do whatever with it too. That's the letting my magic out and then dropping things until only one thing is left levitating.

But then you skip putting the water into a more accessible container. You try to directly get the water out of the tall, heavy container without spilling it. It's hard. At first you're not strong enough to do anything but poor it into another bucket, but eventually you build strength doing that until you can pour out small bits and do with them what you please.

That's the best way I could describe it.

It took me two years to be able to levitate things with precision, and then I moved on to manipulating the movements of things in other ways.

With my mastery of levitation, it wasn't long before I was opening and closing doors without touching them and making my stuffed animals and dolls walk around the room.

-x-

I did this all in the privacy of my new bedroom in the basement. After my first bout of magic, I realized I needed privacy to practice. Which was hardly possible when sharing a room with Lily. I mean, sure, she was a witch. But she didn't know that and I didn't want to explain all this to her. I also doubted her ability to keep her mouth shut and not go running to Lizzie and Richard.

So one day, I innocently brought up the topic of wanting my own room. I knew why Lily and I shared—there were only three bedrooms. However, we had a basement. It was unfinished, but Richard was a carpenter. A skilled one at that. He could most definitely put up a couple walls in the basement. And I was pretty sure there was enough money to renovate it. It wasn't used for anything besides storage, really, and even then there was plenty of space for a bedroom or two.

It was the March before Lily and I started school that I asked.

"Mummy, Daddy, why does Petunia have her own room, but Lily and I share?" I asked innocently, staring up at Lizzie and Richard.

They glanced at each other, an "oh boy I wasn't expecting this for awhile, who's answering?" look exchanged between them.

Lizzie bravely opted to answer. "Because there are only three bedrooms in the house sweetie."

"Can't daddy make another one then?" I pushed. "He's a carpenter, right? They build things like that, don't they?"

"Yes, well... Richard?" Throwing your husband under the bus, Lizzie? Aren't you nice.

Richard coughed and scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Why don't you let mummy and I talk about it?"

A month later Richard started on finishing the basement, including a bedroom for me and a guest room as well.

-x-

Whenever the weather permitted, Lizzie would take me to the nearby park for an hour day. She said it was because I needed to get out and play and be active. So it was basically my recess.

The park was usually occupied by a few children too young for school and their parents. I was almost always the only school aged one there, but I didn't mind.

For the most part I didn't want to bother with children my age. Lily and Petunia were the only exceptions, and that was because they were my sisters.

At the park I usually went on the swings, but sometimes Lizzie would bring a ball and we'd play catch.

When I was seven I saw Severus Snape.

Lizzie and I were playing catch when I noticed a young boy, older than most of other children in the park during school hours. I took in his black hair, skinny frame and ill fitting clothes and concluded that it was likely that this boy was Snape.

Pain hit me like train. Or rather, the ball my mother threw to me.

"Fuck!" I hissed, holding my hands to my nose. I took one away briefly to check for blood, but fortunately there was now.

"Language!" Lizzie snapped, but her features softened into an apologetic grimace. "I'm so sorry, Pansy! Are you alright?"

She pried my hands off my nose and gently tilted my face to get a better look it. My face flushed and I slapped her hands away. "Mum! I'm fine."

"Maybe we should go back home..." she said.

"No!" I blurted. "I saw a kid my age. I want to try and play with him. Please don't make me leave!"

"Are you sure, love? You're hurt..." Lizzie looked torn. I was hurt, though not badly, but I was showing interest in socializing with another child. I never showed interest in playing with kids who weren't my sisters.

"I told you, I'm fine." I rolled my eyes. "It doesn't even hurt much now. And he looks lonely and I never see kids my age at the park when it's school hours."

"Well, I suppose you can stay for a bit." Lizzie caved. "But if I notice your nose bothering you we're leaving!"

"Deal!" I grinned at her. I picked the ball up from the ground a few feet away from me. It was a red rubber ball, slightly smaller than a basketball. Easy to catch and throw for the most part. I ran with it over to the sandbox where Snape was playing.

"Hi!" I chirped. "I'm Pansy. I don't usually see other kids my age here. I'm seven, what about you? Are you home schooled too?"

"I'm Severus." Snape glanced to the side and briefly bit his lip. "I am. Seven I mean. And Home schooled, too."

"Cool!" I gestured to the ball in my arm. "Do you want to play catch with me? I usually just play with my mum 'cause everyone else here during the day is little, so it'd be nice to play with someone my age. Mum and Dad think I need to."

Snape looked at me for a moment. I think he was trying to figure out if I genuinely wanted to play with him, or if I was just being nice so he wouldn't expect it when I did something mean. Eventually, he nodded. "Alright. I'm not very good though."

"That's okay. I'm not the best either, and I'm only decent because I play enough." I assured Snape. It was hard to imagine him as the mean snarky, ill tempered, potions master he was in the books. He was so small and uncertain and cute.

"C'mon." I ran away from the sandbox, looking over my shoulder to make sure Snape was following me. "Stop there!" I ordered once he was a few metres away from where I was standing. "You ready?"

Snape nodded and I threw the ball. It flew passed him, a little to his right. Unsurprisingly, he didn't manage to catch it.

As we played I used my magic to make sure I always caught the ball while deliberately making it difficult for him to catch. My plan was to either get him frustrated enough to use magic or to purposely throw the ball in a way that made it obvious I was using magic to catch it.

"I'm sorry!" I said after awhile. "I have horrible aim..."

"It's fine." Snape said tightly and I could tell he was getting frustrated. He threw the ball at me, and I used my magic to guide the ball into hands.

"At least you have good aim!" I complimented, but he just scowled. I tossed the ball in his general direction. It went way higher and more to the side than I'd planned, but to my delight Snape caught it.

Before the ball could pass by him, it jerked down and towards Snape, landing in his hands. He blinked, confused for a moment. Fear graced his features as he realized what he'd just done.

"I-I have to go!" he dropped the ball and started backing away.

"Wait!" I cried. "Don't go! I can do that too! Watch!"

Snape froze, looking at me carefully. I just smiled and used my magic to lift the ball from the ground and float into my hands.

"See? Isn't that wicked?" I boasted, bouncing over to him.

"Y-you're a witch!" Snape stuttered in surprise,

I frowned and recoiled a bit. "That's a mean thing to say!"

"No! No, it just means you can do magic!" he raised his hands in protest. "My mum's a witch too! And I'm a wizard."

"Really? You're not just saying that because you called me names? If I ask her she'll say the same thing?" I crossed my arms and looked at him through lowered lids. Man, I was good at this acting thing.

"She will! I promise!" he assured me. "She'll be here to pick me up soon. I'll introduce you."

"Well, alright. But if you're lying I'll tell my mum you were mean to me." I threatened.

"I'm not!"

"Well, okay. Do you want to swing with me until your mum gets here?" I offered.

He nodded eagerly, so I brought the ball back to my mum who was sitting on a bench and reading a book. She looked up and smiled when I dropped the ball by her. I think she was going to say something, but I was running off to the swings where Snape was waiting for me.

It wasn't long before Eileen Snape arrived to pick up her son. When he saw his mother, Snape dug his heels into the sand to stop the swing. "That's my mum. Come on."

I wasn't swinging very high, so I jumped off and followed him over to the older witch.

"Did you make a friend Severus?" She smiled at her son when we approached.

"This is Pansy, mum!" Snape gestured tome, beaming at his mother. He was so cute! "She's a muggleborn!"

Eileen glanced at me. "Is that so, Sev? What makes you think that?"

"I saw her do magic, mum!" Severus went on to explain what happened, while I stood slightly behind him, biting my lip and wringing my hands. I was a bit nervous. Eileen was a character canon didn't really going into detail about.

"You can control it?" She asked sharply, her gaze snapping to me.

"Yes, ma'am. A little bit." I admitted.

"Demonstrate." She ordered me, eliciting a shriek of "mum!" from her son.

I nodded and bent down to pick up a pebble from the ground. I held it in an open palm, and used my magic to lift it a few inches in the air.

"Interesting. How old are you, child?" Eileen's features softened now that she was sure I could use magic. Her gaze was still assessing, but it wasn't as cold.

"Seven, ma'am." I answered.

"Severus' age then."

I nodded in confirmation. "Are you really a witch?"

Eileen smiled. "I am. My name is Eileen Snape."

"Pansy Evans. It's nice to meet you." I introduced myself to her, sticking out my hand for a shake.

"The pleasure is mine." She gently took my hand and shook it. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone about magic and being a witch, okay?"

"What about my family?" I asked.

"Not yet. When you're eleven you'll be invited to a magic school, and you can tell them then." she replied.

"Why can't I say anything before that?"

"Because magic is a secret. Only people with magic are allowed to know. We can only tell muggles—people without magic—when it's necessary for them to know."

"And it's not necessary for my family to know?" I inquired, tilting my head to the side.

"Not quite yet. Do you promise to keep the secret?"

"I promise." I said solemnly.

After promising to keep magic to myself, Eileen wanted to meet Lizzie. The introduction went smoothly and they even exchanged phone numbers and addresses. There was talk of arranging play dates in the future, and I was ecstatic. This was my in to the wizarding world early.

I smiled the whole way home, and so did Lizzie. I could tell she was happy that I finally showed interest in spending time with children who aren't my sisters.

-x-

Our first play date was on a Saturday about a week later at Snape's house. As we walked to Spinner's End the houses gradually grew less and less well maintained. The paint on the houses was faded and some of the numbers were crooked. Almost nobody had flowers planted despite it being mid-June. It wasn't a rough neighbourhood though, just a poorer one.

When we reached the address Eileen gave us I was surprised to note it was one of the better maintained houses in Spinner's End, even sporting a few healthy flowers in pots on the porch.

Lizzie knocked on the door and we waited. Not even a minute later Eileen opened the door and ushered us inside.

She led us down the hall and into the kitchen, where Snape was putting a kettle on the stove, probably for tea.

"I thought we could have some tea while the children play." Eileen said to Lizzie, gesturing to the small dinner table with biscuits and two teacups set on it. "Go ahead and sit."

"That would be lovely, Eileen." Lizzie smiled and took a seat at the table.

"Thank you for putting the kettle on Severus. Why don't you show Pansy your room?" Eileen suggested.

"Sure." Snape agreed. "It's this way."

He grabbed my hand and led me up a narrow staircase. At the top was a hallway with three doors. "The one at the end is Mum's room. On the right is the loo, and this one is mine."

He pushed open the left door and led me inside.

"I like your room." I said after looking around a bit, and I meant it.

It was small, but clean. A twin sized bed sat in one corner, covered with a green and silver quilt. A night table sat next to the bed, a small pile of books on top. There was a small dresser in another corner, and next to it was a bookshelf with books stuffed into every little space. I saw spotted a battered copy of The Tales of Beedle the Bard and several potions related books.

"Thanks." he blushed. What a cutie. Who would have thought child-Snape was so adorable? "Do you want to play a game?"

"Sure. Like what?" I asked.

"Do you know how to play chess?"

"I know the basics." I nodded. "Do you have a set?"

"Yeah, hold on. I keep it under my bed." Snape bent down and pushed up the quilt on his bed a bit, revealing wooden box with light and dark brown squares checkering the top.

He pulled it out and set it in the middle of the floor. I sat down across from him as he took off the lid.

"Light or dark?" he asked, holding a smaller, lidless box containing light brown chessmen.

"Dark." He set the box he was holding down and handed me the other one. He put the top back on the box and we started setting up the pieces.

"Oi! That's my spot! Not the queen's!" the king said suddenly and I nearly dropped it in surprise.

"Sorry, I forgot to mention they can talk and move a bit." Snape apologized, but I waved him off and moved the queen into the proper place and placed the king where the queen had been before.

"It's fine, let's play."

We played three games and I lost them all. I mean, I knew I wasn't the best at chess, but losing to a seven year old repeatedly was humiliating. It wasn't even a close game. He slaughtered me.

In my defence, finding out Tobias Snape died three years ago made it difficult to concentrate.

-o-

AN: for the record, part I is pre-hogwarts. As you may have noticed, things aren't quite in chronological order. That will change once we move past her childhood and get to part II.

This chapter only came out a day after the prologue because I didn't post the prologue until I was almost done this chapter. Don't expect daily updates.

Expect some errors. My work is not beta-read.

Thank you for taking the time to read my fanfic.


	3. I:II

A Black Flower

Part I

II

-o-

Finding out Tobias Snape died in an accident at work was actually a pretty big deal. I kind of just assumed that aside from my existence, this world followed canon. I assumed that _I_ was the divergence from canon. That sounds a bit arrogant, but well what else was I supposed to think?

This changed everything. It meant I had no clue what was going on. I mean, maybe it just meant Tobias Snape was dead and there were little changes like that. Things that didn't really matter too much to the plot. But it could also mean someone important like Dumbledore was dead.

I needed to find out what the hell was going on in this world. Fortunately, Eileen was more than happy to have me over and teach me about the wizarding world.

I went to the Snapes' every weekend. Eileen Snape became "Auntie" and Severus and I were inseparable. I learned little things about the world from Severus. He taught me things like magical games and told me about Hogwarts. On Saturdays Auntie would give us lessons. Sometimes she taught us history, other times little tidbits of magical theory. I absorbed it like a sponge.

The walls of the sitting room were lined with numerous bookshelves, and Severus and I were free to read any of them, since Auntie kept all the dangerous books in her bedroom. She would even let me take a book or two home as long as she disguised them first.

Severus was fascinated by potions and defensive magic, and I was interested in magic too, but I spent more time on the drier topics. I read through history and law books like they were The Tales of Beedle The Bard. I had to know what was going on.

I learned a lot. Fortunately, Dumbledore was alive. He also did not join his boyfriend in taking over the world, which was another worry. Many of the feats he was credited with in canon seemed to have happened in this world. I didn't know enough about the history of canon to spot too many differences. Most of my knowledge had to do with the near future and beyond.

I didn't learn much else of significance from history books. The most important revelation came from a book about modern wizarding law.

In 1949 Albus Dumbledore introduced a new law to the Wizengamot. It was commonly referred to as "Riddle's Law." It stated that should any underage witch or wizard who has muggle guardians express fear for their safety, the Ministry of Magic must investigate their living situation, and if the situation is deemed unsafe by a ministry official they are to be removed.

In December 1940 the headmaster of Hogwarts, who was not Armando Dippet, sent all it's students home for the holidays for an unknown reason. Tom Marvolo Riddle died in The Blitz. He had expressed concern about returning to the orphanage, but his concerns were dismissed by the headmaster.

Despite it being the headmaster who made the call, Dumbledore felt guilty, and so he eventually proposed Riddle's Law. There weren't many supporters at first, as the law mostly held significance to muggleborns. Things changed when Tom Riddle's heritage was revealed, and the law was eventually passed and put into effect by 1951.

He may have been my favourite character, but finding out Voldemort was long dead was a huge relief. I didn't have to worry about a war or him killing my sister.

But it also meant almost everything I remember from canon is completely useless to me.

-x-

Severus had no interest in Lily and that just messed with me. In the books he did everything for her. Now she's his best friend's sister with mean friends. That's not to say Lily is mean to him, she's nice enough, but I've heard her friends making fun of him and she didn't defend him. It irritates me, but I know Lily doesn't want to lose her friends. I don't blame her completely. For the most part they don't say much to Severus' face and they have been good to her.

I guess since Severus' home life wasn't like canon and he met me instead of her, he doesn't need her the same way. I'll admit, the Snily shipper in me is sad, but I can't force them to fall in love.

Even weirder though, is that Severus and Petunia actually get along better. I think there are several reasons this happened. Petunia has found something she excels at, so she doesn't have an inferiority complex. She doesn't know about magic yet, so she can't be jealous of it. Most of her friends are girls she met through dance or music lessons, and so she's likely influenced by different friends than canon. Finally, I'm pretty sure the Snapes' reputation isn't as bad as it was in canon.

Auntie used magic freely at home, so broken things got fixed and cleaning wasn't much of a chore for her. Simple things like upkeep of a house can make a big difference on how people see you. So does being a widow. Losing her husband to an accident garnered sympathy from the townsfolk.

I wouldn't say Petunia and Severus are friends, really. She has never been to his house, but when he comes over to ours my older sister is more likely to play with us than my twin is.

-x-

After meeting Severus, my academic progress slowed a bit. Before I met him I had a lot more free time and so I did school work, but not that time is spent with him. That's not to say I suddenly started progressing at a normal rate for a child my age, just that I wasn't pushing to get to more difficult topics all the time.

By the time I was ten, most of the school work Lizzie provided were things I remember covering in the first year or two of high school. I don't know how that compares to schools here and now, but I figured it couldn't be too different. In math though, I was starting on topics that were covered in my grade eleven pre-calc class.

So I was still ahead, but I wasn't ready to graduate at twelve, like I could have if I dedicated more time to school work. Sure, I knew most of the stuff, but there were some things I didn't learn in school in Canada, like English history. I still had to do assignments and let Lizzie "teach" me the material.

The topics I was unfamiliar with I soaked up like a sponge, including magical topics. I think it had something to do with my age. Kids learn a lot faster than adults, and despite retaining my adult cognitive functioning from my previous life, I guess I get the best of both worlds.

The more I read about transfiguration the less sense it made to me. What's so different about gold? Why do you need a philosopher's stone to transfigure it? I've never found any reference to the impossibility of transfiguring other elements.

And food! You can summon it, you can multiply it, you can transfigure it into other foods, you can conjure wine and water but you can't conjure food? Like, W-T-F man. That makes no sense to me.

Hell, you can conjure a live animal, but not a dead one?

I brought the topic up with Severus, and he didn't seem to find it as mind-boggling as I do. I think it's one of those things people raised around magic just accept as fact without any questions.

I suppose I'll have to ask the transfiguration professor when I get to Hogwarts. I wonder if it's McGonagall in this place.

I wish I had someone I could bet on it with.

-x-

Despite being reincarnated, I didn't really think about death and what would happen if I died again much. That changed when our elderly neighbour died. It was early February, not long after Lily and I turned eleven when he died. It was a heart attack. It wasn't really a loss to me, I never spoke to the man. But it made me question things.

What happened to him? In my own experience, reincarnation is what happens. But where was he reborn? _When_ was he reborn? The past? The future? Was he even reborn in this world? Or did he end up in some other world that should be fictional but isn't?

What happens when _I_ die again? Will I be reborn again? Is this even really only my second life? Or have I lived many more but only remember the one? If I'm reborn again, I could end up somewhere horrible. I could be born in The Hunger Games or some shit.

These thoughts circled through my head for weeks. At night, I had horrible dreams of being slaughtered by enemy ninja and sacrificed to demons. Lizzie and Richard were concerned, but clearly didn't know what to do. They tried to get me to open up and tell them what was wrong, but I just clamped up, refusing to say.

They were even more concerned when a few months later I just snapped out of it and went back to how I was before the neighbour died.

The fear of death and the unknown continued to linger in my mind, but one day in April, the (presumed) date of my death in my previous life, I had a realization.

If I don't die, I don't have to worry about what happens after death.

-x-

Obviously, the not dying thing isn't exactly straightforward. I mean there's the Philosopher's Stone. But Flamel is the only known creator, and it's not like it's conveniently being hidden in Hogwarts any time soon. If ever, since there's no Voldemort in this world. So I'd have to make one myself, probably. But alchemy has a bunch of transfiguration which makes no fucking sense to me, so that's out. Plus it only grants pseudo-immortality. I'd be completely reliant on the Elixir of Life, and could still be killed at any time.

The other method that was in canon was horcruxes. But I don't remember if it was fanon or canon that splitting your soul makes you insane, and I'd have to do research before making one. I'd have to learn how to resurrect myself before dying though, or I'd be stuck as... what ever the hell canon Voldemort was between Halloween 1981 and mid 1995. Plus creating one involves murder.

My only other idea is based on pure fanon—gathering The Deathly Hallows and hoping that mastering death means I get immortality. Which isn't likely, but having the Hallows would be really useful.

So I need to research things. My first step would probably be checking into all immortality myths in the magical world.

I scoured Auntie's books for tales of eternal life, but didn't find anything. Well, hopefully the library at Hogwarts had something. I should probably check the shops in Knockturn Alley at some point. Preferably once I've learned how to defend myself from undesirables.

-x-

There were times when I desperately missed home. I missed my real mother, the one who loved me and supported me and advocated for me. I missed my brother, even though last I remember we weren't on speaking terms. I missed my best friend who was there for me no matter what, even when we lived far way from each other.

I missed little things too. Like the music. My favourite songs only existed in my head, and when I forgot a line from a song I didn't have the internet to look it up. I missed my favourite stuffed rabbit (Sir Eugene Flufflebuns III) and my favourite pair of black skinny jeans.

Actually, fashion sucked in the 60s. Everyone looks so... ugh. I mean, some of the dresses are cute, but otherwise I'm actually looking forward to robes.

Maybe I'll even learn how to make clothes with magic so I can make my own. Then I could look a little more like _myself._

Every once in awhile I'd lock myself in the bathroom, climb up on the sink, and sit there, staring at my reflection in the mirror for ages, mapping the differences and softly singing songs that haven't been written yet, if they ever will be.

My eyes were the same—a dull green that had nothing on Lily's brilliant bottle-green eyes. My hair was blonde, lighter than I remember it being as a child in my first life, and I wondered if it would eventually darken to light brown here too. My face was more oval than round, my nose was narrower, my lips slightly thinner, and I was missing the dimple in my chin.

I missed that dimple. My mom had it, my brother had it, all nine of my mom's siblings did, and most of my cousins, too.

Some differences are hard to spot since I'm still just a kid. My shoulders seem to be broader than my sisters', so I figure I'll end up with man shoulders again. I'm not sure how my height compares. I'm much shorter than Petunia, but she has three years on me, however I'm also slightly taller than Lily.

I look a lot like I used to, and to be honest that fucks with me. It's like some Uncanny Valley shit. You know, like, the similarity is strong, but there's just something fundamentally off and that makes it almost creepy.

Often I wonder if I looked completely different I'd feel so... disturbed, I suppose, with my appearance.

-x-

Lizzie was very religious, while Richard was too, but less so. As such, they went to church each Sunday.

The first time I was aware enough to realize that they were taking me to church, I started wailing and screaming.

I hate religion. All of them. Well, I have a soft spot for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but that's it. Nothing against the religious, necessarily, but I'm deeply against religion. You know, hate the game, not the player or whatever.

So the idea of being taken to church, of all places, was something that was not okay with me at all. I was just a baby, not even speaking quite yet, that first time I realized Lizzie and Richard brought me to church. So screaming and crying the whole time was all I could do in protest.

It was kind of amusing really. Lizzie would have to take me outside so I didn't disturb the sermon, and then I'd stop crying. She'd get this really relieved look on her face and bring me back in. Except as soon as she stepped in the church I'd start up again.

I could tell Lizzie and Richard were confused. For the most part I didn't cry much, so my behaviour was really unusual. They tried bringing me to church a few more times after that, but eventually gave up when they realized that no matter what they did, I'd scream my lungs out so long as I was in a church.

Once Richard joked that maybe I've been touched by the devil and can't stand being in a holy place. Lizzie was not amused with his joke, but I certainly was.

For quite awhile, Richard would stay home with me while Lizzie took my sisters to church, but after I'd started speaking regularly, they seemed to decide it was time to take me back.

I threw a temper tantrum. I refused to leave the house, but Lizzie just picked me up and put me in the car. When Richard parked in the church parking lot I refused to get out, but yet again, my small stature worked against me and Richard carried me to the church over my protestations.

I did my best to squirm out of his hold, but it didn't work. It was time for drastic measures.

"If you don't take me home I'll scream." I threatened as Richard entered the church.

"Pansy, can't you just behave? Please?" he pleaded. "Why are you so against going to church?"

I glared at him, refusing to answer. It's not like I could explain to him why I believe religion is morally wrong and often harmful. I was barely three years old. Regardless of my supposed genius, that was not something someone of my apparent age would form such an opinion on, especially when not exposed to any material that would help formulate such an opinion.

He sighed, and continued on his way into the church.

"Last warning." I cautioned. He ignored me and kept walking.

"Fine." I said angrily. I took a deep breath, looked him in the eye, and screamed as loud as I could.

People whipped around to look at Richard and me. He tried to hush me, but I just kept screaming.

Abruptly, I was removed from his arms. "Watch Lily and Petunia." I heard Lizzie say. She carried me out to the church's front lawn, setting me down on a bench while she loomed over me.

"Pansy, this kind of behaviour is not acceptable. You know better than this." she reprimanded me.

"If you don't bring me here then I won't act this way." I huffed, crossing my arms and raising my chin.

She looked up at the sky, sighed and ran a hand through her blonde hair. "God help me." she muttered.

Her stern gaze returned to me, and with it came a threat. "Pansy Lee Evans, if you don't get in that church and sit quietly by my side for the entire time you will be sent to your room as soon as we get home and there will be no dessert tonight!"

"Kay." I said.

Lizzie sighed again, this time in relief, and held her hand out to me. "Come along then, in we go."

I shook my head. "No. I mean I'll go to my room and have no dessert."

Lizzie took a deep breath. "Fine," she said. "Then the two of us will sit in the car until the sermon is over. You will sit still and keep quiet. Understood?"

"Kay." I consented. That was fine by me.

From then on, going to church became the biggest conflict between me and this life's parents. Well, mostly Lizzie. Richard seemed to accept my decision a bit more. I think he was secretly glad, actually, since that meant he usually stayed at home with me on Sundays.

Sunday mornings became _our_ time, and to be honest I grew quite fond of Richard, sometimes even thinking of him as "dad."

I never thought of Lizzie as "mom" though. I just can't. With Richard it's easier, since in my old life I had an absentee father. But my mom and I were really close and I just can't think of anyone else as my mom. My mom went through hell and back for me. She supported me when no one else would. She accepted me no matter what.

Lizzie is great, really, but I just can't form much of an attachment to her.

-x-

My favourite part about going over to the Snapes' house was using my magic freely, without worrying about getting caught by my family.

If I wanted a book I can't reach, I levitated it down. If I wanted something from across the room, I summoned it. Each use of my magic gave me a little rush, and I relished in using it so freely. Until Auntie said we needed to talk.

After lessons one Saturday when I was nine, she asked to speak with me in private. She ushered Severus to his room and sat down next to me at the kitchen table.

My apprehension must have been written on my face, because she smiled gently and assured me I wasn't in trouble.

"What is it then?" I tentatively asked.

"I have noticed something, Pansy, that I'm a bit concerned about." she said.

"Did I do something wrong?" I said in a small voice, trying to figure out what it could have been. Situations like this always make me anxious. It's not as bad as in my first life, but I still often worry about making mistakes or doing something wrong.

"Not at all." Auntie said. "I just need to ask you a few questions."

"Kay." I nodded, but despite her words I still felt the cold tightness of anxiety well up in my chest.

"When you use magic, what does it feel like?" she inquired.

My nose scrunched up in confusion. "Good, I guess. Like, I can feel the magic flowing through me and it just gives me a rush. Why?"

She ignored my question and responded with one of her own. "Do you find that you have to use increasing amounts of magic to get that feeling? For example, something simple, that used to give you that feeling, no longer gives you as strong of a feeling?"

"Yeah, I guess." I answered, wondering where she was going with this.

At my response, she closed her eyes and exhaled. "It's as I feared then."

I chewed on my lip and stared at Auntie, the cold feeling inside me swelling up to the point I couldn't bear to speak.

"I had a brother." she said, staring blankly at the wall. "He was three years younger than me, and when he was seven, he died."

Auntie took a deep, shuddering breath. "His name was Severus. He had amazing control of his magic and frequently used it, much like you. He would start doing more and more complex things, using more and more magic. We were all so proud of him for having such mastery of magic. We were sure he was going to be one of the most powerful wizards in the world. Then one day, while using his magic for something—I can't remember what—he collapsed."

She clasped her hands together tightly, and swallowed. "I—the thing is, we use a wand for a reason. We do have our own magic, but it's generally not much. Wands let us use the ambient magic around us. This let's us do powerful magic without draining us.

"But wandless magic, including accidental magic, uses our own. And my brother—my little, baby brother—he used all of his up. That wasn't the problem though. You can recover from that, it just takes time. Our magic replenishes with rest and food. But, you see, Severus was using so much magic because _it felt good."_

My breath hitched, my eyes widening.

"He would have been fine, except he kept trying to use his magic when none was there." Her voice warbled. A tear slipped down her cheek. "The stress he was putting on his body in his attempt to use his magic when he had none... his body couldn't take it."

"He died." I whispered, my hand rising to cover my mouth.

"Yes." Auntie said solemnly. "You see, the reason he tried to keep using his magic when there was none... He wanted—needed—the high using his magic gave him. It's called magic addiction."

"You think I might have it."

"Yes."

-x-

Magic addiction is a rare condition. The first record of it was sometime in the middle of the nineteenth century. Since then, there have been nineteen documented cases, including Severus Prince. Of those cases, sixteen were muggleborns.

It's not known why the condition occurs.

Severus Prince's fate wasn't typical of magic addiction. He was an extreme case. Most of those afflicted didn't manage to drain themselves. They lived long enough to get a wand, which helped with that. Like Auntie said, wands allow you to manipulate ambient magic. You still use a bit of your own, but barely any, especially compared to how much you would use if you didn't have a wand.

But to magic addicts, magic is like a drug. One you need increasingly high doses of to get the same feeling of euphoria. The more powerful the magic you cast, the higher the "dose," so to speak. That's where the condition becomes dangerous. It drove many witches and wizards to practising dark magic.

Of the nineteen cases, fourteen died before they turned fifty. Severus Prince's fate was shared with two others, while the others either died from losing control of a dark spell, or were killed because their use of dark magic made them a danger to society.

The other five managed to lead fairly normal lives.

-o-

AN: Thank you for such a positive response! I was not expecting more than a couple favs/follows for this fic.

Someone expressed concern that the plot wouldn't diverge much from canon. I hope this eases them. The main plot of the story will really emerge in part II. Part I is like an intro.

Other people were interested in Pansy/Snape. Their relationship though, is going to be completely platonic. Aside from Pansy/OC, I'm not really sure of pairings for canon characters. I'm considering Lily/James despite my hatred for the pairing, but nothing is set in stone. Feel free to make suggestions.

I don't mean to offend anyone's religious beliefs, I just felt it was something that made sense for Pansy to go through, since people tended to be more religious back then and church is not a place I'll step foot in unless it's for a wedding or funeral. I may not look kindly upon religion but I don't look down on people who are religious. I have plenty of respect for them, so long as they don't use their faith as an excuse to be a horrible person.

I also wanted to set up conflict between Pansy and her parents.


	4. I:III

A Black Flower

Part I

III

-o-

Due to the tendency towards practising dark magic, people formally diagnosed with magic addiction were monitored closely by the ministry. Their wands were monitored, there were many jobs they were banned from doing, and they were restricted from practising certain fields of magic, including, but not limited to, the dark arts, alchemy, certain healing spells, and most wards.

As such, I have to hide it. According to Auntie, that means concealing from others the extent of my wandless abilities and controlling my emotions when I cast magic, among other things.

Though it was too late to be of use to her brother, Auntie learned all she could about magic addiction, and she shared it with me.

A lot of dealing with it is self-control and not giving in to the desire to use magic for the purpose of getting high. When learning magic, it was best to start with spells that required little power, and then more powerful ones, with small increments of required power between one spell and another.

It's like if you're used to a dose of thirty milligrams of something, you won't be able to tell much difference when you take thirty one milligrams. The point is to avoid intense highs, because those are what drive you to use dangerous magic.

Many addicts turned to the dark arts because dark magic is powerful, but relatively easy to cast. Other branches of magic, like wards, alchemy, and healing, have many powerful spells, but they're harder to learn. So people go for the quick fix, because they don't want to put in practice or a lot of effort to learn all the theory, especially when, essentially, all you're trying to do is get high.

I didn't want to end up like those people.

So I practised using a specific amount of magic until I no longer got the buzz I once did, and then slowly started using more. It took ages to get to the point where using my magic didn't give me a rush. I was over at the Snapes' as much as possible, almost constantly using magic, but never using too much at once.

It was hard. It was like a little voice was encouraging me to use more powerful magic, because didn't I want to feel that good again? No one had to know.

But I ignored it, telling myself that if I did, then eventually someone _would_ know, and the consequences were not something I wanted to face.

-x-

"Wait," I blinked and held up my index finger. "You have a _sister_?"

"Yes, Pansy. I have a sister." Lizzie confirmed. "Her name is Theresa."

"Why is this the first time I've heard of her?" I tilted my head and my face scrunched up.

Lizzie sighed. "If you had been _around more_ , you would know the answer to that."

"What is _that_ supposed to mean?" I snapped at her.

"Don't take that tone with me, young lady." Lizzie scolded. "And what I _mean_ is that you haven't heard about this because you've been spending all your time at the Snapes'. Your father barely sees you, and outside of your lessons, the same goes for me."

That was true. While I spent a lot of time with Severus and Auntie before she told me about magic addiction, I spent even more time there now.

From her reprimanding tone, I knew she wanted me to apologize or feel guilty or something, but neither of those things were happening. I had a good reason to be there and I don't owe Lizzie or Richard anything.

Though, now that I thought about it, when I was looking into the family tree I think I saw that Lizzie had a sister.

"So... your sister?" I prompted after an awkward stretch of silence.

"We had a falling out over our mother's death shortly after Petunia was born. Last year, she contacted me to try and fix things." she explained. She looked at me as if to say "you'd know if you were here more."

"What was the fall out about?" I asked. "Like, specifically."

Lizzie ran her hand through her hair. "Theresa was the one who was in charge of what to do with mum's body. Mum wanted to be cremated, but Theresa refused to abide her wishes for her own reasons."

"Oh." I said. "So if we're going to visit her next week, where does she live?"

"London."

"How long will be there?"

"We'll be staying with her until the end of July."

"But that's a week and a half!" I protested.

"Well, it's about time you spent some with with your family, anyways."

"No, no." I back peddled. "I uh... I just meant, is it wise to, like, not have a shorter, trial visit beforehand? To make sure you won't... uh... have a disagreement right away and have to leave all of a sudden without any arrangements in place?"

"Pansy." she said sternly.

"Fine. Whatever." I huffed. "I'll call Severus and let him know not to expect me for awhile, and then pack."

-x-

It was only a short drive to London and my aunt's house. Well, by my standards. Apparently Canadian standards are a lot different than English standards. It took us a bit less than three hours to get from Cokeworth to London, which is how long it took to get from the town I grew up in, in my other life, to the next nearest town. And I grew up in a small, northern town, so if you needed specialized medical care, you often had to travel more than six hours to a city that could provide it.

So while Lily was whining about the long drive and being bored, I just stared out the window at the unfamiliar countryside.

In her defence, this was maybe our third trip out of Cokeworth, and the last one was three years ago, when the two of us were seven. If I remember correctly, she slept through most of that one.

By the time we arrived at our aunt's house, Petunia was almost annoyed enough to pummel Lily if she didn't stop asking the dreaded question—"are we there yet?"

Lily was out of the car as soon as we parked with Petunia not far behind her.

We all grabbed our luggage from the trunk—backpacks for me and my sisters, and a small suitcase each for Lizzie and Richard.

Luggage in hand, we all walked up to the front door. Lizzie took a deep breath and knocked. A dog started barking at the sudden noise and a feminine voice chastised it. A moment later, the door swung open, revealing a red haired man with large, rectangular glasses.

"Lizzie, Richard! Good to see you again. I take it these are your daughters?" he said.

"Yes, the oldest is Petunia," she gestured to my sister. "And these are the twins, Lily and Pansy." Lily and I waved at him, though Lily was more enthusiastic than me.

"Girls, this is my brother-in-law, Nathaniel—"

"—Aw, Lizzie, you know I hate my full name!" my uncle laughed. "You kids can just call me Nate. Nathaniel is such a mouthful."

Nate ushered us inside, explaining that Theresa would be a few moments as she was watching the stove. He invited us to sit in the living room, and just as I took a seat on the carpet, a woman in an apron walked in.

Her hair was black and slightly frizzy, and she had medium ochre skin. She looked nothing like Lizzie.

"Dizzy!" she squealed and held out her arms for a hug. Lizzie smiled and embraced her.

"Treese!" Lizzie giggled. "I haven't been called that in ages."

While Lizzie and Theresa greeted each other, I observed my siblings. I was pleased to note they looked as confused as I felt.

"Mum, why does your sister look so different?" Lily asked.

"I guess it never really came up before, but Theresa and I were adopted." Lizzie explained. "It's not really something I think about much, to be honest. Mum was my mum, dad was my dad, and even though we weren't on speaking terms, Theresa is my sister."

Huh. I was not expecting that. My guess was that they had different fathers.

Lizzie introduced us to her sister, and then we were led down the hall to the guest room where we deposited our bags.

The adults made light conversation while Theresa finished cooking. Lily, Petunia and I sat on the floor, taking turns petting my aunt's dog, Judy.

When the food was done, we all sat down at the table and joined hands while Theresa said grace. Once she was done, we loaded our plates with mashed potatoes, green beans, and pork chops.

I didn't say much over dinner, speaking only when I was asked a direct question. Even then, I kept my answers simple. I didn't pay much attention to their conversation at first. I caught the important things though, Theresa was a social worker, Nate was an accountant, they had no children, their last name was Prewett.

As soon as I really processed the information, I froze. An accountant named Prewett... In canon it was mentioned that Molly Weasley had a squib second cousin who was an accountant.

It could be a coincidence though. What were the chances I'd run into _that_ Prewett accountant... If that was even the family name of Molly Weasley's cousin. He might have a different name, depending on whether the relation is through female or male relatives.

None the less, I decided to try speaking with him in private.

It wasn't until our eighth day in London that I had an opportunity to speak with Nate. Theresa suggested a trip to the cinema, but I wasn't interested in any of the movies playing, so I asked if I could skip the trip. Originally, Richard was going to stay with me, but Nate offered to watch me while everyone else went.

I put a lot of thought into speaking with my uncle. I couldn't just blurt out "do you know about magic?" And the more I thought about it, the more I realized the whole thing was a bad idea. Other than memories from the Harry Potter books, I had no reason to suspect he was a squib and no reason to ask other than to satisfy my own curiosity. If he was a squib, he might be a bit sore about not having magic, and I'm not tactless enough to throw that in his face for no reason. He may not even remember magic. And if he's just a muggle, then trying to drops hints about magic was a horrible idea.

So instead of asking him intrusive, personal questions, we took his dog, Judy, for a walk and bought ice cream. We didn't talk much, but that was fine by me.

The rest of the visit crawled on. Without anything to focus myself on anymore, I grew bored. By the time we left I was just itching to get back home and have my own space again, instead of sleeping in the living room with my sisters.

-x-

After finding out Lizzie was adopted, I grew curious about her family tree. I knew Richard's side up to four generations back, not including myself and him, and I had thought I knew hers three generations back, but that was useless since she wasn't actually _related_ to them.

I can't remember if it's canon or fanon, but there was the hypothesis that muggleborns are descended from squibs. Because of that, I decided to look for names I recognized as potentially magical in my family tree. Unfortunately, if there were any, neither side of my family kept records far enough back.

But maybe there _was_ something on Lizzie's side that I didn't uncover because I was looking at her adoptive parent's relations. Unfortunately, Lizzie didn't even know the names of her birth parents, and hadn't cared to look.

"It's not important to me." she said. "I don't care who they are. Mum and dad are my parents, not a couple of strangers."

Since she knew nothing about them, I decided to ask Auntie if there was any magical way to produce an unknown family tree. Most fanfics had something like that, though nothing like it was mentioned in canon. Usually some ritual or potion or blood test at Gringott's.

My hopes of investigating Lizzie's side of the family were dashed as soon as I asked Auntie, which—all things considered—made a lot of sense. If there was some simple way of tracing one's ancestry, then Voldemort probably would have had it done rather waste time searching for clues to his heritage in old Hogwarts records or whatever.

Ugh, I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe reading so much fanfiction wasn't such a good idea—I can't remember what is fanon and what is canon. Some stuff I remember, like the whole "magical core" thing, were complete fanon, but then quite a bit of the time fanon concepts and ideas ended up being canon later on. And so many fanon things were used so much in fanfiction that they're just accepted by the fandom to the point that they may as well have been canon because you can't find a fic _without_ it. It's all really very confusing

I wish I could just look up these things online, but even if technology was able to do that at this point in time, the internet probably wouldn't be able to answer my questions. You know, because magic is real and that would be a huge violation of the whole world wide hiding from muggles thing.

-x-

As September of 1971 approached, Auntie made me a list of common first and second year spells, organizing it by how much magic each spell takes. Unfortunately, that probably wasn't the order we would be learning those spells in, so she suggested that I start practising under her supervision, using her grandmother's old wand.

It was hard. I'm pretty sure the wand didn't suit me at all, but it better than nothing. It was actually a lot easier to do a lot of the things without the wand, though that was not a good thing, since that was powered completely by my own magic, which defeated the purpose. Apparently, the problem with a wand that doesn't suit you is that your magic doesn't flow through it properly, and thus your own magic can't help you manipulate the ambient magic very well, if at all.

Fortunately, it wasn't long until I received my own wand.

It was a dreadfully hot afternoon. Lily, Petunia and I had retreated to the basement in an effort to escape the heat. We were too hot to do anything that required movement, so the three of us sprawled out on the cool tile where Petunia and I usually rehearsed our dances, playing Scrabble. We had played Monopoly first, but Lily dominated the board, much to my own irritation and that of our eldest sister.

After winning a round of scrabble—which involved many fights about whether or not what one of us played was a word, my sisters decided that it was the winner's duty to fetch snacks. Scowling at them, I nevertheless climbed up the stairs to the kitchen. The doorbell rang just as I was sneaking several chocolate chip cookies out of the jar. I hastily dropped them back inside and went to answer the door.

Upon opening it, I was faced with a man I'd never seen before. He had black hair that curled at the nape of his neck and fell slightly in his eyes. He was quite tall, but had a narrow frame. We was wearing black pants, a black, button up shirt, a grey waistcoat and carried a black briefcase in his hand.

"Miss Evans, I presume?" he said with a small smile. He continued speaking after I nodded. "My name is Artemis Rosier. Is your family home? Your whole family?"

Rosier... that name was familiar. "Yes. Shall I fetch them?"

"If you wouldn't mind."

"MUM! DAD! SOMEONE'S HERE AND WANTS TO TALK TO US! YOU TOO, LILY, PETUNIA!" I hollered.

Richard and Lizzie entered the foyer, bemused expressions upon their faces.

"Mr. Evans, Mrs. Evans," Rosier greeted over the clamour of my sisters rushing up the stairs. "I am Professor Artemis Rosier, and I am here to offer Lily and Pansy a place at the school I work for."

The familiarity of his family name clicked. It was one of the sacred twenty-eight. But why would one of them be here? They were blood purists, weren't they?

"You're from Hogwarts." I blurted, then slapped my hands over my traitorous mouth. I had not meant to say that out loud...

My pseudo-parents and sisters looked at me in confusion. Rosier's eyebrows shot up, his gaze shifting to me. "May I ask how you are familiar with that name?"

"Yes."

There was a beat of silence after I deliberately gave a mathematician's answer, and Lizzie took that moment to speak up.

"Excuse me, er—Professor... But..." she trailed off awkwardly. It was pretty clear she was trying to say "wtf is Hogwarts and how the hell did you get information on my daughters to invite them to your school."

"Pardon me, Mrs. Evans." Rosier said. "I believe it's best that I start from the beginning," he glanced at me. "Even if—Pansy, was it?—seems to have an idea of what's going on.

"As I said, I am a professor. The school I teach at is called Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." He pulled two letters out of his briefcase, and handed me and my twin our respective letters.

Everyone except me stared at him incredulously.

"Is this some sort of joke?" Richard demanded.

"Not at all, sir." Rosier smiled, his wand dropping from his sleeve into his hand. "Observe—geminio."

The doubling spell hit one of the shoes by the door, prompting dumbfounded looks from all but me.

"Yeah. I can do magic too—and so can Lily, I guess." I pulled a coin out of my pocket and levitated it a few centimetres above my palm. "And Severus and Auntie, too."

"Your control is quite good for an untrained witch, Miss Evans." Rosier commented.

"Thank you, sir." I said demurely.

From there, Rosier explained the existence of magic, the Statute of Secrecy, and why it was important that Lily and I attend Hogwarts over tea in the living room, after he generously cast a charm to cool the temperature inside the house.

"A boarding school?" Lizzie fretted. "That sounds expensive..."

"A common concern, Mrs. Evans. However Hogwarts is funded by the Ministry of Magic. Tuition, room, and board are free. The only cost to you will be their supplies, and even then we have a fund for students who are unable to afford them, such as orphans." he explained.

Richard looked over the supply list from Lily's letter, his eyebrows raising higher the more he read. "A magic wand? Cauldrons? Robes? Where on earth are we to find this stuff?"

"There is a hidden, magical shopping district in London. It's called Diagon Alley and is inaccessible to non-magical people without an escort." Rosier gave Richard directions to the Leaky Cauldron, then went on to briefly explain the monetary system and what to expect. He offered to take us to the Alley in a week's time with the other muggleborns and their families, but I declined before anyone could agree, explaining that Auntie offered to take us.

After a round of questions from the family, Rosier told us he was looking forward to teaching me and my twin, and departed.

As soon as he was out of the house, all attention was turned towards me.

-x-

It took me awhile to explain everything to everyone. I left a few things out, like my magic addiction, and sprinkled in some white lies—"I had no idea Lily was a witch, too!"

They were upset I didn't tell them, and I had to go over the finer details of the Statute of Secrecy. It was illegal to tell muggles about magic unless they are immediate family, and a permit from the ministry must be attained beforehand. A permit for the family of muggleborns is issued when a Hogwarts professor is scheduled to meet with them. Technically someone in my situation could have applied for a permit to tell them earlier, but it was more work than it was worth and could take up to a year for the ministry to actually sign off on it. Obviously, I left that part of the story out.

After everyone understood why I didn't say anything, Lizzie called Auntie to invite her and Severus over for supper and to discuss "this whole witchy thing."

The Snapes and I answered my family's enthusiastic questions about magic and the wizarding world over fish and chips. Lily was practically bouncing in excitement, and hanging on to every word said in regards to magic.

"Oh! I can't believe this is happening!" my twin confided after the Snapes left. "I can't help but think that I'll wake up tomorrow to find that it was all a dream."

"Silly-Lily," I laughed. "It's one hundred percent real."

Lily pouted and crossed her arms."You do realize that dream-you would say that in a dream, right?"

"I suppose." I agreed. "But when you wake up tomorrow and ask if it was a dream, I'm going to say I told you so."

"Yeah, yeah." she rolled her eyes. "That's hardly anything new. Well, I'm going to take a bath and go to bed. Goodnight, Pansy."

"Goodnight, little sister!" I called as she entered the bathroom.

"Ugh, only by few minutes, Pansy! Let it go!" she hollered back as I snickered, which made me get that stupid Frozen song stuck in my head.

I checked the time, and when I found it was just past nine I decided I'd best get ready for bed too.

I hurried down the stairs to my room in the basement. I closed the door behind me and grabbed a book off my shelf to read before going to sleep. I drifted off a quarter of the way through the novel, only to wake to the sound of softly playing music.

I rubbed my eyes and set the book aside. Yawning, I quietly left my room to investigate the noise. I was sure it was Petunia—when she had trouble sleeping she would dance or practice the flute to relax. Sometimes she just wasn't tired, but more often she was too upset to sleep, and considering what just happened that day, I was willing to bet on the latter.

I found her sitting in the corner of the dance area, her face buried in her arms, which rested on her knees. Her hair fell around her shaking shoulders. I bumped into a chair as I approached her and her head jerked up in surprise.

"Petunia?"

"What do _you_ want?" she hissed at me with a dark look.

"Well, I..." I hesitated, chewing my lip. "I want to know what's wrong."

Petunia choked out a laugh.

"What's wrong?" she said. "What's _wrong_?!

"What's wrong is that no matter what I do, I'm over shadowed by you and Lily!" She raged. "Mum and dad could care less about my achievements—dancing and music isn't going to get me anywhere, they say. But you're _special_ , a bloody super genius, and they can't shut up about it. Pansy this, Pansy that!

"And then, well. I learned to deal with that. Then I started dancing and playing the flute and for awhile _I_ felt special. _I_ was talented... But mum and dad stopped caring about it. Saying it was getting in the way of my school work. 'If you didn't waste so much time dancing then maybe you'd be getting top marks like Lily' they say.

"They always ask me why I can't be more like Lily. Why can't I get top marks like her? Why am I not as friendly as Lily? Why don't I help out around the house more like Lily, instead of wasting my time with frivolous hobbies? Why, why, _why_?!"

"Petunia..." I whispered, feeling like an idiot. How did I not see this? How did I not see that Lizzie and Richard were so critical of Petunia, and comparing her unfavourably to Lily? (I ignored the part of me that knew why I didn't see it—I wasn't looking. I was too focused of me, too self absorbed.)

"And now," she sobbed. "And now we find out that you and Lily are even more _special_ than me. Plain, old, ordinary me. As far as everyone will be concerned, you and Lily are off at a school for the gifted—and me? No, I, obviously, am not good enough to go to a school for the gifted! It's quite clear that I'm the _lesser_ Evans girl—"

I cut Petunia off there. "You are most certainly _not_ lesser than either Lily or me!" I knelt down next to Petunia and wrapped an arm around her. "L-Mum and dad love you just as much as they love me and Lily. I can't really speak for them, but... They are proud of you and how far you've come as a dancer and musician. I'm not sure how to phrase this really... But I think they think you're not thinking about your future, and that you should be focusing on getting good grades so you can succeed later in life. And that like, your grades aren't as good as they could be because you dedicate so much time to dancing, and they don't understand why. Sorry, I'm really tired, and not explaining it well. Does that make sense?"

I felt Petunia shrug, and sighed. "They just... to them artistic pursuits are hobbies, not something you really dedicate yourself to. I think they just really don't understand how important to you music and dance is, and... am I making sense?"

"I guess so." she said. "But... it's _not_ a hobby. Dancing is what I want to do in the future, Pansy. My dream is dance with the Royal Ballet, and Madam Proulx thinks I could make it into the school if I apply. And since she went there as a girl herself..."

My eyes widened. "Are you serious? That's amazing! What do Li—er—mum and dad think?"

Fuck, I must have been more tired than I thought. That was the second time I almost slipped up and said Lizzie in this conversation.

Petunia shrugged. "I haven't told them yet. I was going to, but..."

"But?" I prompted, and she stared at me like I'm an idiot. "...Petunia?"

"Pansy... for a genius you sure can be stupid." My elder sister sighed and shifted her gaze to the cieling. "I was going to tell them at dinner last night."

"Oh. _Oh_. Well. Fuck." I cursed. That makes it so much worse. We completely stole her thunder, "Sorry..."

"It's not your fault, really." she admitted.

"Still... Ooooh! I have an idea!" I started bouncing in place in my excitement. "Right so, part of it is you feel like people will look down on you because Lily and me got into a school for the gifted, but you didn't right? Well, why don't we say you were offered a place too, but you declined, because you wouldn't be able to continue your dance and music lessons? And when you get it in to the Royal Ballet School—"

"— _If,_ I get in, Pansy! I haven't even applied yet!" Petunia interrupted, but I dismissed it with a wave.

"Oh please, you're amazing. You'll get in for sure. We just have to convince mum and dad."

"...Thanks Pansy."

-o-

AN: yeah, hi. It's been awhile. I posted a note in December on profile explaining what's been going on, so I won't bother doing so here.

I know people are more interested in Riddled, but I have more motivation for this story at the moment. Neither story is abandoned.

Thank you for all the support, guys. Sorry this took so long.


	5. I:IV

A Black Flower

Part I

IV

-o-

Auntie and Severus led me, my sisters and my pseudo-parents down the cobblestone street of Diagon Alley towards the imposing marble of Gringotts Wizarding Bank.

"And why can't we just go to a regular bank, again? Or better yet just write a cheque..." Richard muttered, eyeing the goblins dressed in scarlet that were standing guard at the bank's doors. To be honest, I was tempted to stare too, since they looked much different than how they were portrayed in the movies— _They were green!_ _ **Green!—**_ but I managed to refrain.

"Dad!" I chastised. "Don't be _rude_! Besides, we've explained this—the statute of secrecy prevents muggle banks from carrying wizarding currency, so you can't exchange money there! And it's like going to a foreign country—they don't accept foreign cheques."

"Yes. Yes... I don't see why though. This is England, can't they just accept pounds?" he continued to grumble.

"Dad, please." I begged. "You're being rude, and you really don't want to offend the goblins."

Fortunately, Richard quieted before we reached the bank. Auntie led us inside and directed us to the currency exchange while she and Severus went to withdraw money from their vault. The line was long, with only one goblin serving muggle customers, so I resigned myself to waiting and preventing the rest of my family from saying anything offensive in the mean time.

Finally, we reached the teller. "Exchange rate is four pounds to the galleon. We accept cash or cheque, with a three percent fee for accepting cheques."

"Er, how much for... sixty galleons, if paying by cheque?" Richard asked, taking out his chequebook and a pen. The goblin grunted a number, and Richard wrote the cheque and accepted the galleons in exchange.

We met Auntie and Severus outside of the bank.

"Hm... Let's save wands for last—make sure to keep out about 15 galleons for the two of them." Auntie suggested. "We should probably start with books..."

"Won't those be heavy though? Shouldn't we save those for last?" Lizzie countered.

"I can shrink and lighten things, so we don't need to worry about those sorts of things." Auntie explained kindly, aware that Lizzie and Richard wouldn't be used to the conveniences of magic.

And so Auntie led us to Flourish and Blotts. Walking into the store we were greeted with the smell of parchment and ink. The store was larger inside than outside, bending the laws of physics and evoking a sense of awe in both my family and myself. A sign pointed to a section of the store where required texts for Hogwarts were separated by subject and organized by year, making it easy to locate all our required texts. After finding them all and mentally calculating the total price to be reasonable, I convinced my pseudo-parents to let us pick out some supplementary texts.

Lily was drawn to the history books, and Petunia passed time leafing through _Hogwarts: A History_. Severus migrated to the potions section and I, naturally, started paging through arithmancy texts. The third year texts seemed to mostly feature extremely basic (by my standards, at the very least. I'm pretty sure it was middle school level math, but I couldn't say for sure.) math and focus on the properties of numbers and the magical theory of the subject, and at the very end of the book, touched on predicting the outcome of simple scenarios. Out of curiosity, I grabbed the seventh year text books and found that most of the math still wasn't terribly advanced, but it was used in unfamiliar formulae to predict the outcome of more complicated scenarios, and towards the end it went into how to create your own formula for non-standard events, and there were references to higher level texts to pursue once the reader mastered the concepts in the book itself. It looked absolutely fascinating.

"Are you done yet, Pansy?" Severus asked, his interruption jerking me back to reality. "It's been forty minutes. The rest of us finished ages ago."

"Huh? Oh. Um. Yeah." I nodded, sliding the book I was going through back onto the shelf. "Where to?"

"Aren't you going to get anything?" He asked with a raised eyebrow. I shook my head, prompting him to roll his eyes. "Tch. You take the longest and aren't even getting anything—typical. Mum's taking us to get our uniforms next."

I followed Severus out of the store, meeting the others at the exit. Auntie led us down the Alley towards a clothing store that was distinctly _not_ Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Whether the store existed or not was up in the air—perhaps it did, perhaps it didn't, perhaps it didn't _yet._ Regardless, I entered the shop and mentally prepared myself for a necessary but unpleasant task—clothes shopping with my family.

I don't actually dislike clothes shopping in itself. But I've learned that I hate the current stylistic trends and think the things my sisters adore are hideous. Shopping with them frequently turns into a fight because I accidentally tell them the truth, that they look ridiculous in that atrocious top and suddenly I'm the bad guy and grounded.

Despite lacking a bell, there was a chime as the seven of us entered. Almost immediately, a balding man with a tape measure around his shoulders and pins tucked into the front of robes greeted us.

"Welcome to Needles and Threads! Four sets of Hogwarts uniforms, I assume?" he said, glancing at us.

"Three sets." Auntie corrects smoothly. "Two girls, one boy."

"Of course, of course. If you'll just follow me..." The man turned on his heel and led us through the store to the back. We passed rows of colourful fabric squares on display, and racks of equally colourful robes. He stopped in front of a rack full of plain black robes.

"Here we are, girls on the left, boys on the right. There are fitting rooms just over there where you can try them on, and for an extra fee we can alter them for a better fit. Sizing chart is on the wall, if you need any help just let us know."

"Thank you, I believe we'll be fine." Auntie said with a polite smile. With that, the man spun on his heel once more and left.

"Alright, Severus, you know your size, yes? Why don't you go grab a uniform kit in your size and the size up and try them on. See how they fit. You'll surely grow a bit during the school year... I'll help the girls, alright dear?"

"Yes, mum." Severus mumbled and went off to browse the boys' section.

Auntie herded the rest of us over to the sizing chart, which was fairly straight forward. Sizes were given, and then a list of measurements in centimetres that would fit those sizes.

"Sizing is standard across the store." Auntie explained. "Lily, you look like you're probably a Hogwarts 2... Pansy, a Hogwarts 4, I think. Elizabeth, Richard, will you be buying the girls casual robes as well? Or just the uniform?"

"Oh, I hadn't really thought about it to be honest..." Lizzie said. "I suppose just the uniforms for now... we can always come back in the future..."

Auntie nodded and then helped Lily and I find robes to try on in the appropriate sizes.

Uniform kits in hand, Lily and I waited in line behind Severus for a free fitting room. Fortunately, we didn't have to wait long.

I entered the fitting room and pulled the deep red curtain closed behind me. I set the box containing the uniform on the stool in the corner of the room and started to undress.

For the first time, I actually really looked at the robes. Until that point, to be honest, I didn't really process what robes looked like. Like, I saw them, my brain said "oh, robes" and just dismissed them as unimportant.

The Hogwarts uniform was completely different than in the movies. There was no pleated skirt, no button up shirt and tie, no sweater vest. Instead, there were three parts to it.

The first was a very loose, flowing white blouse with huge, elbow length sleeves. Following the diagram included, I put it on first. Next, was a black, fitted sleeveless dress-like garment with a notched collar. It buttoned all the ways down the front. I slipped it on and noticed that it flared out a bit at the waist. The front fell just above me knees, but it was longer in the back. Smoothing it down, I noticed pintucks along the breasts, which went all the ways to the hem. Finally, I pulled out the last major part, which I found to be the most "robe-like" of the uniform. It too was black, with a white collar and Hogwarts crest on the left breast. It appeared to be about ankle length. I slipped it on and found that the sleeves were incredibly loose, especially below the elbow. The front of the robe had buttons on both sides of the garment, with a string connecting them. Looking at the diagram, I saw that tightening the string pulled the two sides together and closed the robes. Last but not least, I grabbed the white cloth belt and wrapped it around my waist, jerking in surprise when it tied itself up in a bow and positioned itself correctly.

A quick glance from the diagram to my reflection in the mirror floating at the back of the fitting room confirmed I seemed to have dressed myself correctly. With a deep breath I stepped out of the fitting room.

"Mum? Auntie?" Upon hearing my call, Lizzie and Auntie came bustling over.

"Ah, Pansy!" Lizzie smiled. "Let's have a look."

"Hm... the outer robe looks good, dear. A little long, but not too much" Auntie said. "Don't you think, Elizabeth? Yes, now take it off and let me see how the under robes fit."

Following her direction, I removed the outer robe, albeit with a bit of difficulty with the unfamiliar garment. Once it was off, Auntie took it from me and started pulling at the under robes.

"Yes, hm... a bit loose, but you'll grow throughout the year I'm sure..." She muttered. "I think these will do. Why don't you change back into your clothes and then grab four more sets? We're still waiting on Severus and Lily."

"Okay."

I walked back into the fitting room, and changed back into my normal clothes. I did my best to fold the uniform up and place it back in the box.

I pushed the curtain aside and found Auntie fussing over Lily, much like she did me, while Severus stood awkwardly to the side in his uniform, likely waiting his turn.

The male uniform was quite different than the female one. The outer robe was similar, but the sleeves weren't as loose and it was completely open.. The under robes, however, resembled one of those gowns typically worn at graduation ceremonies.

Nodding to the others, I wandered back to the section where I'd found my uniform and grabbed four more boxes marked with the correct size. Unsure what to do now, I returned to the fitting area.

"Pansy dear, why don't you go find your dad and Petunia?" Lizzie suggested. "They were looking at the winter cloaks and pointed hats. Eileen says to go up two sizes on the winter cloak, alright?"

"Right, mum." I smiled and left to find Petunia and Richard. It took my awhile, but once I found them they helped me pull the appropriate sized cloak off the rack and try it on. Satisfied with it, we then grabbed two pointed hats—one for myself and one for Lily.

They were actually cuter than I expected, the hats. They weren't too tall, and had a pretty white ribbon tied around the base.

Finally, the three of us grabbed a pair of protective gloves and proceeded to the front of the store to wait for the rest of our party. It didn't take them long to arrive, and the checkout went fairly smoothly.

As soon as we were outside of the store, Lily made a face. "Ugh, I can't believe we have to wear that every day!" she complained. "It was so weird and ugly."

"It... was quite different." Lizzie admitted.

Petunia snorted. "Glad I don't have to wear it."

"Hey!" I protested, my face red. "I thought it looked really cool!"

-x-

Fortunately, Auntie wasn't offended by everyone's opinions on robes and just smiled indulgently, and admitted they were a bit odd if you weren't used to them, and that she wasn't exactly used to them herself anymore after so many years in the muggle world.

Next we went to Potage's Cauldron shop, from there to the apothecary, and then over to Wiseacre's for our telescopes, glass phials and scales.

Wiseacre's was full of interesting trinkets, but sadly the adults didn't let us look around much before Auntie herded us over to Scribbulus Writing Instruments for our stationary supplies.

And then, finally, we went to Ollivanders to get our wands.

Richard eyed the peeling gold letters of the sign proclaiming Ollivanders to be fine makers of wands since 382 B.C. "Is... this really the best place?" he asked skeptically.

"The shop may look shabby, but you won't find finer wands in England." Auntie replied and opened the door for us.

Fitting all seven of us into the narrow shop was tight, but we managed to do so just as Ollivander appeared from the back.

"Ah, Eileen Prince. Ebony and phoenix feather, twelve and a half inches. Quite swishy, if I remember correctly?" he said by way of greeting.

"That is correct." Auntie agreed with a small smile.

Ollivander's eyes slid over to Severus. "And this must be your son? Yes, I see the resemblance. And your companions are a muggleborn family I take it?"

"Yes, this is my son, Severus, and our neighbours, the Evans family. Pansy and Lily here are the witches of the family." she gestured to Lily and me.

"Ah! The two of you must be quite excited, hm? Now, who would like to go first?"

After a small debate, Lily won the privilege of going first. I watched in fascination as a measuring tap floated up around her and began measuring everything from her height to the diameter of her irises.

"Hm... one moment please. I have a few ideas..." Ollivander murmured and went off around the small shop, grabbing and summoning boxes seemingly at random.

By the time he returned, Lily was looking a bit awkward as the tape measure was measuring the size of her earlobes. The wandmaker dismissed it with a wave, and pulled out a wand from one of the boxes he had retrieved.

He handed it to my twin, but quickly snatched it from her hand when it made a sizzling noise, muttering "no, not at all..." He repeated this behaviour with four other wands, though some he took longer to take back than others. Finally, he gave her the sixth wand, which let out a round of gorgeous pink sparks.

"Ah yes! A Perfect match!" He crowed in victory. "Willow, ten and a quarter inches with a phoenix feather core. Slightly springy."

Lily beamed and clutched her new wand tightly. "I did it!" she squealed. "Mum, dad, Tuney! I'm a real witch!"

"Congratulations, Lily." Petunia said with a small smile and pulled her in to a hug.

With Lily's wand out of the way, I let Severus go next. The process of matching him with his wand was similar to Lily's, though he went through over a dozen wands, finally finding his partner in a twelve inch ebony wand with a dragon heartstring core after what felt like ages.

And then it was my turn. The tape measure flew around me as Ollivander puttered around his shop grabbing wands, and I sneezed when it measured my nostrils.

The first wand Ollivander placed in my hand felt _cold-and-dead-and-wrong_ _ **wrongWRONG.**_ I shuddered at the feeling at he quickly took it from me. "Most certainly not!"

The next wand, fortunately, did not give off as bad a vibe as the first, but it still felt wrong.

On and on it went, Ollivander handing me wands and snatching them back just as quickly. Some felt just as bad, if not worse, than the first, some didn't induce a sense of wrongness at all, but none of them felt right. Several times he had to go back and grab more wands to try, and each time he did so he seemed more and more gleeful.

"Tricky customer, eh?" He chuckled at one point, rubbing his hands together. I must have tried over thirty wands by then. "Haven't had one this tricky in years."

By that point, Richard and Eileen paid for Lily's and Severus' wands and left to get ice cream, leaving just Lizzie and I in the small, dusty shop.

"You certainly are an interesting young witch, Miss Evans." he said to me. "It's not often I get a customer your age that's so difficult."

"My age?" I repeat in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"When pairing a wand with a witch or wizard, it is easier for children to find matches, than adults." he explained absently, shoving yet another wand in my hand. "Of course, you're trickier than most adults..."

"Why?"

"Why are you trickier than most adults? I couldn't say—"

"No, why is it easier to match kids?" I clarified.

"Ah. It's quite simple, actually. Wands have to match their owner's personality and temperament. Children tend to be less developed and fixed in those areas, so wands are less picky and less likely to find something in their partner they don't like."

"You speak like the wands are sentient." I frowned.

"Not in the way you or I are, perhaps. But they are in their own way." Ollivander mirrored my frown after yet another wand failed to match with me. "Hm... As I said, you are an unusual witch, so perhaps you need an unusual wand... Just a moment..."

I watched the eccentric man disappear into the very back of the shop, where I could hear him rummaging around.

I glanced at Lizzie and mouthed an apology, but she just shook her head and smiled.

When the wand maker emerged, he was covered in dust and carrying three boxes.

"Some of my more unusual combinations—I've made a couple others like these, but they don't sell very often, so I don't often make them anymore... Let's try this one—holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches."

That... sounded like Harry Potter's wand, I thought with trepidation.

He handed me the wand, but I was hesitant to take it. Fortunately, especially since it felt more wrong than any other wand I'd tried, once I did he removed it from my grasp just as quickly.

"No, not at all..." he muttered, pulling out the next wand. "How about this? Yew and unicorn tail hair—a rather volatile pair, but perhaps—"

As soon as he placed it in my hand I knew it was the one. A warmth spread from my fingertips and through my arm. I gave it a little wave and bright blue sparks flew from the tip like miniature fireworks. I never wanted to let it go.

"Bravo! Bravo!" Ollivander clapped. "A perfect match, I must say. Fourteen inches, unyielding. I remember the unicorn quite well, I must say. Quite the young thing, I'd just collected a couple hairs from her mother and she insisted on giving me one as well!"

"Finally!" Lizzie chuckled, pulling the golden coins from her pocket to pay for my new wand. "How many wands was that?"

"Eighty three." Ollivander answered, surprising me. I didn't think he was keeping count, but considering just _whom_ we're talking about, I really shouldn't have been. "That will seven galleons, please. Thank you."

Lizzie thanked him for his time (which amounted to nearly two hours), and I nodded along in agreement. With that, Ollivander bid us farewell and ushered us out of the shop.

Just as the door shut behind me, my ears picked up Ollivander muttering to himself once again, but the words I was able to catch sent a shiver down my spine.

"...interesting witch, certainly... wonder... another one?"

-x-

"Pansy, Lily." Petunia said a few days after our trip to Diagon Alley.

"Yeah?" Lily said, looking up from painting her nails and I "hmm'ed", but didn't move from where I lay on the floor.

It was another sweltering summer day, and once again the three of us had sought refuge in the basement. We were once again sprawled out on the cool tile, though Lizzie and Richard had confiscated all the board games because we kept accusing each other of cheating and fighting. So instead we each did our own thing. Today I was reading my transfiguration book, Lily was painting her nails with scarlet polish, and Petunia was trying to compose her own song.

"I was just thinking... Remember that professor that brought your letters?" the elder blonde asked.

"Professor Rosier?" I said. "What about him?"

"Do either of you remember his first name?"

Lily scrunched up her nose, but shook her head after a moment.

"Uh... Artemis, wasn't it?" I said hesitantly, my face pulled into an uncertain grimace.

"That's what I thought." Petunia nodded, and then _giggled._

"What?" I said, pushing myself up onto my elbows in surprise. "What's so funny?"

"In Greek mythology, Artemis is the _goddess_ of the hunt." Petunia said through giggles. "It's a _girl's_ name."

At that, Lily broke into giggles as well, but I just dropped back onto the floor with a small "huh."

It hadn't occurred to me that Artemis was a feminine name. Probably because in my last life, I read _Artemis Fowl_ and watched _Sailor Moon_ , which both contained male characters named Artemis. To be honest, my memories of my first childhood are kind of fuzzy, but I'm pretty sure back then I didn't learn the name came from the goddess until long after I'd read and watched those series.

"I feel kind of bad for him." Petunia continued. "But at least he's really cute!"

"P-Petunia!" I spluttered in surprise

"What? I'm almost fourteen! I notice these things!" she huffed.

And with that, I finally joined in with my sisters' laughter.

It was good to laugh with them, and I etched the moment as firmly in my memory as I could, knowing that after Lily and I went to Hogwarts, times like these would start to dwindle away.

I was going to miss Petunia.

-x-

There were only a few weeks left before Lily and I left for Hogwarts, and Lizzie and Richard were getting more weepy by the day. They were constantly gushing about how proud they were of us one minute, and then the next they were wiping tears and going on about how much they would miss us.

It was actually rather annoying, and I could see it was making Petunia feel jealous and left out. It made me feel guilty, but to be honest I wasn't sure what to do about it. So I just kept quiet and ignored my pseudo-parents as much as possible, while trying to spend as much time with Petunia as I could.

We decided she should wait to talk to them about auditioning for the Royal Ballet School until after Lily and I left, because they were so focused on the two of us at the moment. I made Petunia promise to write me about how it goes in detail, and that she'll have to tell me all about the school when she gets in.

And then, finally, it was September 1st, 1971.

-o-

End Part I

AN: And next chapter we're off to Hogwarts! Sorry this one is a bit short, but there wasn't much left to say for pre-hogwarts.

I wanted to give a reminder that you can find occasional fic news/updates on my profile.

A few chapters ago someone commented that they were worried Pansy was going to be the villain of the story. I assure you, she won't be. While there are going to be antagonists in this story, and I certainly have, what I hope, is an interesting plot, there will be no true "villains" in this story. Basically I'm writing this as if it were real life in many ways—you have problems and conflict, but there aren't really "evil" people.

The summary is a bit vague, but the plot will basically be about Pansy figuring out wtf is going on and how she ended up in Harry Potter, and the problems/events that come with that.

This story is also developing as I go, so I may change my mind about some things at there may be the occasional minor retcon or a plot thread that is hastily written out. Once the work is complete I may come back and fix these sorts of things.

I'll be putting up a link to a rough sketch of the female Hogwarts uniforms on my profile after the posting of the next chapter.

Thank you everyone for your patience and interest in this story! Please forgive any mistakes.


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